You don’t have to miss out just because you don’t like to be frightened! Stop trying to read nonsensical Wikipedia plot summaries (we know you’re doing it), and let an expert tell you everything you need to know about the most influential horror films of the past sixty years—without a single jump scare or a drop of gore.

With a rundown of the history and significance of horror cinema, explanations of common tropes, and detailed entries on twenty-five important movies ranging from Night of the Living Dead to The Blair Witch Project to Get Out, Horror for Weenies will turn even the scarediest of cats into a confident connoisseur.

Each entry includes: a detailed plot summary, with enough jokes that it won’t freak you out; smart, illuminating analysis of the film’s themes and cultural significance; descriptions of iconic scenes you definitely do not want to look at; and talking points for impressing even the biggest scary-movie buffs.